Stephanie Adams

Today North Texas has been declared an inclement weather zone. I called my clients yesterday to cancel, but some I emailed today to double-check. One of those I emailed I was slightly concerned about, because she seemed especially vulnerable to perceived rejection. On our very first session, she had confessed to being afraid I wasn’t interested in talking to her.

I had a friend. Really friendly, good listener, self-contained, caring. We went to college together, both majoring in Family Psychology. After graduation, I went on to my counseling degree, and she started a program in marriage and family therapy. As often happens, we lost touch for a while. But about a year ago, we caught up. I excitedly told her about my internship, and asked how her MFT internship was going. She said she never started it. She’s got a job in marketing now. What?!

“You don’t have kids.” “How long have you been married?” “What do you know, you get paid to talk to people all day.” All these statements are different ways of our clients telling us “You don’t understand my feelings.” We don’t, and we do. I am a young counselor. I don’t have kids, and so I have gotten a defensive remark or two that suggests “what do YOU know?” Thank goodness I’m married, or I probably would have gotten flak for that too. As a result of my current childless state, it can be more than a little intimidating when the mother of a teenager crosses her arms in front of me and scowls at my huge dearth of parental knowledge.

In the field of counseling, one must be constantly aware of one’s environment. An important aspect of the human habitat is the yearly phenomenon known as “the holidays”. Including Christmas, New Year’s, Hanukah, Kwanzaa and Thanksgiving, this annual ritual brings with it special challenges to those who study and treat the mental processes of the adult human. To aid in this practice, I have developed a short guide to the major groups of difficult holiday clients the counselor is likely to face.

I’ve been on both sides of grief. I’ve been the counselor, and I’ve been the one grieving. Sometimes at the same time. The first major loss I experienced came right before the beginning of my internship, and the second as my training period comes to an end. I found it interesting to reflect upon some of the things I’ve learned through the experience.