Nicole Michaud

The other day I had a conversation that stayed with me deeply. It started when my sister told me about a neighborhood boy who lived across the street from us whose house had been torn down. Despite the proximity and the shared bus stop I am not sure I could say I actually knew him. In retrospect I don’t think there is really anyone who can lay claim to ever truly knowing him. Sadly none of us will ever get the chance because he took his own life.

I can still remember the moment when I knew that being a therapist was the work I was meant to do. I was actually all of about 12 years old. I was standing in a group chatting at sleep away camp when another camper came over to us. She told us about a friend of ours who was homesick and crying in their tent. One of the girls offered to go and talk to her but was stopped by another girl. She told her “No, let Nicole go. She knows what to do.”

Lately I have been feeling a bit lost in what I am doing with myself. It would seem that this should be the most care free time I have had in years with my schooling finally being finished and my babies in daycare while I search for a job. However, I ironically feel a greater sense of unrest than I did before. I know it is partly due to the fact that I feel ill at ease not having a clear professional “purpose”.

I have been reflecting in the past number of weeks on how blessed I feel in my life. There are many things I am still working hard to achieve, but I feel so happy for what I have accomplished so far. Sure, there are days when I feel tired and defeated and oh so sorry for myself. However, I am really working to pull my focus back to all I have that is wonderful.

It is a really strange concept for me to think there is such a thing as being too invested or caring too much. In my life there has always been an internal need to give of myself to those around me. This is not to say that it has always been a rosy jaunt through a garden of appreciation. I have often given to people who could not care less or were blatantly ungrateful. There were also those who just came to expect it. This has led me at times to feel saddened, disappointed, angry or just plain foolish.