Heather Shannon

I specialize in working with “Type A,” perfectionist clients. I love it because my clients are naturally goal-oriented and conscientious–more so than most people. They’re motivated to feel their best and dedicated to the process of making that happen. While often beneficial, there can be consequences when the need to succeed (in any area of life) drives us into a state of anxiety or compulsive behaviors. Some get heart palpitations, some clench their jaws, others turn to shopping or wine or sugar.

This week I had a couple clients come in who knew what they wanted and needed in terms of their career, but felt a bit stuck in going after it. Nothing earth shattering--this happens to all of us. And to be honest, I hear it every week about one aspect of life or another. But, this self-limiting belief that we can’t have what we want doesn't need to be the case. Not only do most people know what they really want and need, they also know how to get there--if they take the time to stop and ask themselves.

So as I’ve established--and some of you may agree--dating isn’t easy. It’s especially difficult if you have anxious attachment patterns. Although the highly scientific attachment style quizzes I’ve taken online indicate that I have a secure (or at least predominantly secure) attachment style, I know I have some anxious/ambivalent/enmeshed patterns stemming from a co-dependent relationship with my father growing up.

So, needless to say, the date with my buddy never happened. And we’re not actually friends anymore . . . Sorry for the depressing start to this, but it’s actually good news in the end! You know how I mentioned that listening to my emotions was a big part of moving on from my last relationship?

Romantic relationships provide an unparalleled opportunity for personal growth, but they’re sure as hell not easy. They can trigger our worst qualities; they can leave us in a state of depression or anxiety for months or years. We can lose track of ourselves in a relationship--stop doing things that make us feel good, lose touch with friends who bring out our best or even forget who we really are.