Christine Forte

They say that laughter is the best medicine, and in recent years, it has become more than just a saying. results from numerous empirical studies have found laughter to help alleviate depression, reduce stress, increase immunity, and even fight cancer.

A few days ago I returned from a retreat at Guang Jue Temple, a Chinese Pure Land Buddhist Temple located a few hours away from where I live in Shanghai. I had decided to go on this retreat for the simple reason of clearing my head, slowing down, and disconnecting from my busy schedule for a while. The temple website had described it as a “place for the weary or searching traveler,” and when I reflected on my busy life in a city of 20 million people where I’m often working or running around for more than 12 hours a day, it sounded like a good place to rest, recharge and reflect.

Examining the factors contributing to affairs among expats is more of an art than a science. I’m not aware of any current statistics on the incidence of infidelity among couples abroad, most likely because trying to conduct research on expats is a bit like herding cats: it would be almost impossible to get any kind of representative sample. But I can say that in my clinical experience as an expat counselor, infidelity is by far the most common presenting issue among the couples that I work with. It seems to be an unfortunately common part of the life in the international community here.

First sessions with new clients can be unnerving: it’s often impossible to know in advance exactly how distressed the client will be, how urgent their circumstances are, how much they might be expecting the counselor to guide and direct them.

Midnight phone calls, Sunday night worries, frustrating emails. Every job has its varied challenges in setting boundaries between work and home. Perhaps due to their emotional nature, the helping professions seem to be particularly full of pitfalls in this area. Interestingly enough, a lot of what we might work on with clients in terms of work-life balance is not too different from what we all might also deal with as counselors.