Christian Billington

I walked away sobbing, nose running, eyes streaming, and face red. In that moment, I vowed to capture the essence and importance of goodbye both personally and socially. A lofty task indeed. As someone who struggles with endings, I write this piece from the heart.

Now This blog was written some two hours after the experience, raw and honest (and edited some time afterwards with the added reflections). Writing this experience was intense. This is my off load. Writing has consistently been a safe refuge for me. I have had flashes of the physical accident and that still involves an acute inhale but it feels more gentle. What remains is a busy mind processing every little step and action at the scene and of course concern for the individual that was involved in the accident. I will hope and pray that all of the other racers this day and tomorrow finish their races safely and soundly.

It felt like a long trip home from the ACA Hawaii convention this past week. My red eye allowed me time to think, to reflect and plan. While others slept, I contemplated my take home messages and in this case message.

I hope I am not alone when I share this observation. Inside and outside of the therapy office, whenever I see people cry for whatever reason I am (somewhat) perplexed why this perfectly natural behavior is followed with an immediate almost reflexive apology. Has anyone else noticed this?

Well it happened. I graduated. Even as I write this, I experience feelings of surprise and trepidation because the question which I hardly considered – what happens next? – is a reality that I have to answer. Is this a common phenomenon among new graduates, or am I alone in this pondering?