Andrea Holyfield

So I’ve been thinking about this idea of the Angry Black woman. Specifically, I’ve been relating this concept to the workplace. I recently attended a diversity training where the presenter was arming us with tools on how to work with a client that has persistent anger related to her job, boss or co-workers. We were empowered with breathing exercises, visualization exercises and friendly confrontational techniques to help our female client deal with the irrational ideas that she was holding that was creating anger. What I never heard was how to work with a client who has the right to be angry.

Recently I had the honor and pleasure to speak to a group of courageous young women ages 14 -19 about my life and experiences as a teen mother. I was invited by Family First, an organization in downtown Atlanta that provides counseling and assistance to young pregnant and teen moms. I was ecstatic about the opportunity to speak with this group of women of course because even 20 years later I still identify myself as a teen mom.

Well the time has come. I’m in my first relationship since my divorce. I am completely smitten. This man has my full attention. The problem is this is my first relationship since my divorce. I’m scared to death. I’m still catching up with old friends who I haven’t spoken to and informing them that “things didn’t work out,” and “we’re still very good friends,” and “the girls are fine.” I’ve finally gotten everything changed back to my maiden name and now I’m giggling about this new guy.

I’ve learned to purposely avoid certain conversations so as to not be seen as an angry black woman. I try to explain to people that I’m passionate about things and sometimes my passion and the expression of that emotion may seem like anger if you’re not accustom to a really good heated discussion. I get it. So there are conversations that I won’t get into on Facebook for example. I skip past any status about being a good wife (I don’t believe I’m quite qualified to lead that discussion). I avoid MOST parenting discussions and I have NEVER engaged in a political debate via social media. My blogs…up to this point have been primarily safe. I think, so far, I've avoided angry black woman….until now. Now…I’m angry and I’m black and I’m a woman so…try as I might to avoid this discussion, I’m going to go ahead and jump into it because well…it’s my turn to submit a blog.

So lately I’ve been wrestling with my thoughts on authenticity. It is a concept that is all over the self-help and Positive Psychology arenas (areas that I find myself most comfortable). To me practicing activities that have led to my own personal connection with my authentic self has been a liberating and empowering experience, one that I’ve wanted to incorporate in my work with my clients. This idea of taking off layers and layers of externally imposed masks and becoming aware of our truest thoughts, impulses and desires is something not too far from spiritual to me. Who wouldn’t want to connect with themselves on that level?