Being a new mom of an almost 6-month old I am amazed at how much my little one pays attention to everything around him. Although he is very young he is learning how to eat by observing others use a spoon so much so that he wants to try out it for himself! While no parent will ever get it completely right, it is important to be aware of what kind of environment children are in. In the book, “Children Learn What They Live” it speaks to the foundation of speaking in love, rebuking gently, teaching kids to problem solve on their own, and essentially reminding parents that it starts in the home. The foundation we build for our children is the premise for the adults they will grow up to be. It is for this reason that it is important to keep ourselves in check as the parent. Too often I see cases where children come in and they are talking about adult related problems because they have been parentified. Or in other cases children growing up in two different families are exposed to things the other parent may not even be aware of. In some cases this can lead to children doing self-harm behaviors, experimenting with drugs at an early age, and have anxiety or depression related mood disorders.

For this reason, it is important for schools to be aware of the warning signs, more specifically to be trauma informed. Things to look out for are: is the child consistently tardy to school, is he/she unusually hungry, did the child’s behavior change from outgoing to being more introverted, is the child wearing clothes not consistent with the weather, does the child ever turn in homework, is the child constantly acting out in class, is the child easily startled. These are only a few things to look out for in cases where a child may be in a bad environment at home. If you notice any of these signs or changes in behavior in a child please don’t take this lightly, ask the child to speak with the school counselor, be an advocate for a child that may be crying out for help.

On the other hand, parents here are a few things to look out for or important things to know: who are your children’s friends, do you know their names, do you know the parents of the children your child spends time with, did your child noticeably change his/her attitude recently, are you having the important conversations with your children such as what are boundaries, safe/not safe touch, bullies, and consequences of using drugs etc. While a parent cannot monitor their child’s every move, they can be involved and in the know.

Be aware, your child is looking.  The unhealthy relationship choice you make can be the root of some emotional disturbance or self-esteem issue for your child, the leisure self-care habit of drinking a glass of wine or two each night is the example of alleviating problems to your child. In no way am I blaming here, just pointing out the monkey see monkey do behavior that happens daily even when we are not conscious of it.

It is imperative for schools to become trauma informed in order to help a child that may be neglected, abused whether physically or sexually and stop the cycle of hurt people hurt people. Through organizations that are trauma informed more people can be healed and in turn heal others.
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Melanie Mosbarger is a therapist that works with trauma-related issues as well as other mental health disorders. She uses a trauma-focused approach to help children, adolescents, and adults find the hope and healing they are seeking in their lives. For more information on her treatment modality click here.