One of the most difficult things for me to practice outside of my work environment; is remembering to be present/mindful. Actually, it’s not the remembering part, it’s the being part. For whatever odd reason (and good thing), I have no trouble being present with clients. It’s outside of work that I’m talking about.
In a video I saw of John Bradshaw, years ago, he talked about being a “human doing,” versus a “human being.” Running all over creation with my kids’ activities, attending family related events, social events, (and just dealing with the logistical things that we all do in everyday life) etc., etc., etc., I found myself being ruled by checklists and schedules—later on asking myself “did I do that today, or not?” I legitimately forget some of the things I’d done in the day; because I find myself moving at the speed of light. I had become that human doing.
When I spoke with friends that have kids around the same age, it seems that we are all doing the same thing. This whole running around like headless chickens thing was (unfortunately) normalized and validated for me. Who the heck wants to live like that?!?! But when I asked that question of my friends, they say “that’s what we signed up for…that’s what adulthood and motherhood is about.” Really? I’m not buying it.
After having this discussion with my husband (and him agreeing that he too felt like he was running on an endless hamster wheel), one of the things we had committed to (after discussing the fact that weeks, and then months, and then whole years go by in the blink of an eye)—is the fact that we need to try to go outside (even if it’s for 5 minutes in the middle of a storm), to help ground ourselves.
We made sure that on weekends in the summer, we are out on the river which is by our house—or that we are able to walk or bike ride on nearby trails. We take the kids during the weeknights that they don’t have activities going on—and we go for a walk or bike ride as well. Often those bike rides and walks are quiet, as we are taking in the nature around us. Those drives home from the walks are pretty quiet too. It’s funny, even if the kids are kicking and screaming about going outside and spending time with us (they are 15 and 12)—they agree afterwards that it was a good idea to go walk or ride.
Just spending time outside has been exponentially important in: slowing us down; reminding us of what’s important; and being more present in other aspects of my life. It’s funny, because in working with clients in groups and individually—they will say the same thing; “being out in nature calms me.” I’ve heard it countless times before; and even supported what they had said—without regularly implementing it myself. I’m here to tell you, it works. Being outside is indeed a spiritual experience that can be both meditative and overall grounding. Try it!
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Summer Jeirles is a counselor with a background in residential addictions treatment. She currently practices in Virginia, with adults 55 and over.